Loss.

"I guess by now I should know enough about loss to realise that you never really stop missing someone- you just learn how to live around the huge gaping hole of their existence" - Alyson Noel

Experiencing the loss of someone who is close to you is a terrible thing and shouldn't be wished upon anyone. There is so much death and pain in the world that even if you aren't religious, you have to find another way to look at it. Otherwise then why should we bother? Why are we here?

The way I see it, people die when they have given all they can to the world. You might be thinking how could an innocent child have given all they can already? In my view they have. Maybe that child has affected your life so much that you change the world. For example, someone dying of cancer could be the ignition one needs to find a cure for millions of other people. On a smaller scale, even if that person causes you to act differently and therefore changes your actions in other peoples lives, then that's enough. Life is a domino effect.

Although it's a terrible thought, one person dying for another to live, I think it is a beautiful way to look at someones life. That person has served a purpose. That person is loved. That person is important. 

No matter how old, how small, their occupation, location, wealth, status... people are people. They are all important and they all serve a purpose, no matter how big or small. And it is tragic when one is lost. 

When a person passes away, no matter how hard it seems to accept the thought that they won't be in the world anymore, you must go on. You must live with the remembrance of them and with the knowledge that their purpose in life has been fulfilled. It is painful to live in a world that they aren't. But life continues on, time keeps ticking and the world keeps spinning.

There is never an easy way to do it, to move on. I don't think anyone really ever 'moves on'. All we can do is pick ourselves up and keep going. Keep doing whatever it is you are meant to do, eventually things might start to seem normal again. But don't forget...

Celebrate their life.
Celebrate their achievements.
Celebrate their purpose, for it has been fulfilled. 

Love, Nicole Marie

Stop. Revive. Survive.

'The greatest thing you can give yourself is a little of your own attention' -Anthony J. D'Angelo

In Australia, there is a campaign to stop fatigue on the road. It's called, 'Stop. Revive. Servive.' This saying is widely know in Australia and aims to avoid car crashes and ultimately save peoples lives.

We can apply this to our every day lives. Sometimes we work too hard and we bite off more than we can chew. At this point you are driving alone, late at night and slowly moving a few kilometres above the speed limit. Eventually, your body starts telling you that it's had enough and needs a break. This can come in the form of a mental breakdown, getting sick or just feeling extremely tired. This is when your eyes start to close and the sweet escape of rest takes over your body. Let's call this the 'crash' point.

Once you have crashed, it comes time to face the consequences. In the most extreme cases, it is impossible to recover. This could be because of the damage to yourself or another person, both equally as tragic.

In order to minimise the casualties it is okay to stop (whatever it is that is so important that you are doing), revive (take a break or just some time to yourself) and survive.

Love, Nicole Marie

Actions define priorities.

'Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions' - Dallin H. Oaks

I was reading my business text book and came across an interesting idea that applies to our everyday life. The textbook talks about how actions define priorities. It teaches us that to find out a businesses true intentions, look at its actions NOT simply its words. This will then reveal the 'real goals' of the business.

If you blind yourself to these actions, you would only be able to see the 'stated goals', this being what the business 'officially' states to the public. Without being able to see past this, you are sucked into deception by the business and allow yourself to be disappointed. 

Being able to determine someone's actions can carry a business to success, or in some cases, save yourself from heartache. It is similar to our own interactions with people. People can say what they are feeling or what you want to hear, but without looking at the actions behind their words it is impossible to see where their true priorities lie. Sadly, a lot of people can talk the talk but they can't walk the walk, thus exposing their true priorities that lie beyond their words.   

Life is a business. With everything we deal with in life can be seen as a business transaction. Maybe if we treat life like we would treat a business, we wouldn't get hurt. We can do this by making choices from our brain instead of our heart. So next time think about it, think about what their actions are behind their words. This reveals people's true priorities. Find people who don't just tell you that they care, find people who will show you.

Love, Nicole Marie

Priorities.

'No one is really busy. It all depends on what number you are on their priority list.' - Popcherry

It is necessary to create priorities. To make that list in your head placing things of higher importance over other aspects of your life. For example, watching the new episode of pretty little liars takes priority over tonight's homework.

It is possible that priorities can be flawed. As humans, we are guilty of placing some things in the wrong order, simply due to selfishness or maybe lack of self control. The harsh truth of life is that people prioritise other people. Most people put their family or themselves first, placing friends lower on the list. This is completely understandable however it is when people are discluded from the list that relationships start to breakdown.

Sometimes the reality is that people will put other things above you. They will get so caught up in their busy lives that something needs to give and unfortunately that may be you. You will get bumped down a few places on their priority list but hopefully you will still be on it. Being at the bottom of someone's priority could possibly be worse than being completely off it. All relationships take an equal amount of effort from both people. If you place someone higher on your priority list than they do for you then disappointment is unavoidable. All you can do is reevaluate your own list.

Love, Nicole Marie

Caring.

'Some people care too much, I think it's called love' Winnie the Pooh

There are some qualities that are initially seen as an asset to your personality. Like anything, it can quickly become a weakness if used too much. For example alcohol. Many people become addicted to the substance. They crave it everywhere they go, they feel it even when it isn't there and it is always consuming their thoughts to a stage when it is all they can think about.

We all have to balance our inner qualities for without this balance you are sucked into an addiction that is hard to escape from. For me this asset that has become a weakness is caring. Up until now I didn't think that there was such thing as caring too much, but now I see the truth. For me, there are certain people who I can't help but worry about, think about them, check up on them and generally make sure they are doing okay.

When these people don't return my concern it is heartbreaking. Some people can't give you the same amount of attention that you give them and that is life.

So is it possible to care to much? Is it possible that the most compassionate side of you can become your weakness? From my experience I am going to say yes. However we can't let the fear of rejection or the fear of getting hurt take away pieces of ourselves, even when we could be the ultimate cause of our own destruction. How you act speaks of your character. So keep these weaknesses for this compassion in your heart makes you, you. 

Love, Nicole Marie

Time.

"As time goes on you'll understand. What lasts, lasts; what doesn't, doesn't. Time solves most things. And what time can't solve,  you have to solve yourself." - Unknown

Time. Years. Months. Weeks. Days. Hours. Minutes. Seconds. Collectively, it makes up our lives. 

Time is one of the most powerful objects on earth. Time has the unique power of healing whether it be nursing a hangover, getting over a break up or simply getting over a crush. 

The hardest thing about time is waiting. Watching that clock tick second by second, time passing ever so slowly. Watching the toaster cook your bread or watching the kettle boil the water, both simple tasks but painfully slow when it is the only thing you are concentrating on. It is only when you want time to pass that it stops, seemingly standing frozen in your pain.

But don't forget, time keeps ticking.

We can always find comfort in the fact that whatever happens, time will always move on, even if you are finding it difficult to. Whenever I am having a rough time I remind myself, whatever happens, I will still be in my bed tonight by 11pm. 

We have all had moments when we thought we would never recover. Whether that be the death of a loved one, being rejected by someone you cared about or even being sick. Guess what? You have made it. Time has passed. Time has healed.

Love, Nicole Marie

Duller than dirt.

"Drama is life with the dull bits cut out" - Alfred Hitchcock

It's easy to allow your life to become dull. To get stuck in an endless routine of the same old things, day after day after day... You wake up, you go to school, you come home, you do homework, you eat, you shower, you sleep. Simple yet boring. 

Personally, I like routine. I like knowing what I am doing during the week but sometimes routine is not enough. Sometimes routines can cause you to feel trapped in your own life. 

Life becoms so predictable that we just wait for the week to end so the cycle can begin again.

We complain that it's only Tuesday but what are you waiting for? I am waiting for the week to end but then it starts all over again. That's what the rest of my life will be, waiting for the week to end.

Don't let your life be dull like a pile of dirt. Instead, be the flower that emerges from the dirt, standing tall and high for its entire lifespan.

Wake up to your life like a flower waking up from the dirt. Start now, start growing.

Love, Nicole Marie

Blackouts.

'The next time you experience a blackout, take some solace by looking at the sky. You will not recognize it.' - Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Most people hate blackouts. I love them. A blackout is a forced excuse for you to simply be alone. No sound. No lights. Nothing.

It was only when the flickering lights disappeared into darkness that I finally felt free. 

Free from expectations. Free from 'friends'. Free from the demons that bring negativity into my life. 

A blackout leaves you alone, in darkness, with only your own thoughts to occupy your mind. This can be a scary yet freeing experience. For me, my phone died within minutes of the power outage meaning I had no one to talk to, no one to message. I didn't have to stop myself from checking a message that could potentially hurt me. It was like the internet and the big bad world had disappeared. I felt safe.

Blackouts can open your eyes to a world without technology. Yes, technology has brought amazing opportunities BUT it has been taken advantage of. Some things that have happened to a lot of us may never have happened without social media. For this reason I think it is important to make your own blackouts. Set time aside to be away from the world, blacked out from the life you have created online.

Try it, you might be surprised with what you discover.

Love, Nicole Marie

Calm After The Storm.

"Rain came pouring down when I was drowning. That's when I could finally breathe." - Taylor Swift

I used to hate storms. I feared them. I feared the possibility of getting struck by lightning or the possibility of losing power. There is a lot of things to fear about a storm but it is only when you appreciate the beauty of it that the fear disappears.

Last night there was a storm. A short lived storm but one of the most brutal that I have ever seen (and I live in Sydney so the storms here aren't that bad). The rain came first, sort of like the entree to a three course meal, small but just enough to keep you waiting for the main event. After the entree comes the main course, the biggest and most filling part of the meal. This is the lightning flashing through the windows of your bedroom, causing loud claps of thunder to vibrate through the whole house. That feeling that once scared me, now excites me.

Once the main meal had been served it's time for everyones favourite part, dessert. To me, this is the cleanliness felt after the storm has passed. People talk about the 'calm before the storm' but I think it's the opposite way around. There is peace and stillness AFTER the storm. The smell of rain in the air, the cool breeze, the darkness of the night... it is all so peaceful, so...clean.

I have been struggling lately. There have been some people who have made me feel like I was drowning, sucking the air out of my lungs. But as Taylor Swift so perfectly describes, 'By morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean'

And I think I am. I think I am finally clean.

Love, Nicole Marie

Some people care, some don't

'The best revenge is massive success' - Frank Sinatra

There comes a point in your life when you have to decide who are your real friends and who aren't. To decide who cares and who doesn't.

I have recently come to this point as graduating high school has opened my eyes. Once you leave school you discover who you were never really friends with at all. Along with this comes seeing who has time for you in their ever so busy lives (because it's not like you have a busy life too). These people are those who are only friends with you when they need to be, for example in class, but once out of that situation you are no longer needed. I have several situations where people are friends with me or simply nice to me just to get my study notes. After they get what they want, I am nothing to them.

Truth is, most people don't care. It's harsh, but it's the truth. I have always been the type of person to put others first  however now I realise that the people who don't care about me aren't worth it. They aren't worth wasting your time on. They are looking out for themselves, so I should be too. To my disappointment there are more people who are like this than people who aren't and I have to learn not to let this effect me. It is time to focus on myself and my own life.

If you have ever been in a situation like this then start living for yourself, not other people. And don't let the people who don't care step all over you. It's time to sift through those so called friends and decipher who is there to stay and who is just passing through your life journey. Make them wish and beg to be apart of your life again when you are successful, as they say, 'success is the greatest revenge'.

Love, Nicole Marie